Sakura Drops
by DeityOfDeath
Summary: Harry has forgotten who he is and has no memory of his past or of getting performing the act that got him pregnant, yet he is prepared to find out. MPREG
1. Chapter 1: Falling in love, saying goodb

**Title: Sakura Drops  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Lucius/Harry/Severus  
Category: Drama, romance, slash  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Rape, Non-con, Mpreg SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Harry Potter or its chars. They are property of JK Rowling and major companies. **

**Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!**

**The chapter titles are translated lyrics from the song "Sakura Drops" by Hikaru Utada. **

** Sakura Drops**

**Chapter 1: Falling in love, saying goodbye**

Love.

What a foreign concept.

How can one find love if one doesn't know what to look for?

I believe that love was once something I possessed. I can't say it's a certainty. I suppose I had to have loved someone at one point in my life if not in the past eight months. I carry the proof or at least the proof of an emotion similar to love. Perhaps it was just a physical attraction such as lust. Or if I was feeling very cynical I thought it the result of some drunken tryst or even worse, some misbegotten child because I was whoring myself out on a street corner or in some dimly lit and low class brothel.

All of these thought led my imagination on an extraordinary chase which only increased my curiosity about my past because I was male and how did males get pregnant? I had jumped out of reality and into some odd Science Fiction movie. What's more, I have inexplicably caused some odd happenings that if I had been anywhere close to sane I would have thought it was magic. Currently I was writing off as some result of freaky genetic engineering and testing which would explain my current condition.

Ah, my condition...one that was ready to be ended which was now causing a great amount of pain to lace through my back and swollen belly. I slumped down in the soft green grass and fought to breath through what I knew was a contraction. Oh I was not ready for this. I'm ready for the birth of the child even if it is out here in the grassy fields in lord knows where, what I'm not ready for is to care for such a child. I have the clothes on my back, a few strange looking coins in my pocket, a heavy black cloak that I have made into a knapsack of sorts and some odds and in's I have stolen from clothes lines, and the occasional shops.

I neither am a great thief even if it's something I'd rather not be proud of nor do. I do it to survive. I wish I didn't have to. I keep hoping someone out there is looking for me and perhaps they will be excited that I am having their child. A child that has just caused a great amount of pain by heading further down and causing a very uncomfortable puddle below me. My trousers are soaked and I feel very uncomfortable and it has just occurred to me with the rude awakening thanks to my waters breaking that it is not safe to give birth out in the open like this.

Give birth?

Yes, I can. I seem to be a hermaphrodite or something similar to it. I am a freak. Freak...why does that word make my throat tight and my eyes hot? It makes me sad and depressed and at the same time it makes me angry.

I push my thoughts back and stumble into a standing position and look around me in search of a place to deliver my babe. I see endless fields and in the distance I see a few gathering trees that seem to glimmer and go out of focus like a mirage. I am not in a desert and something deep inside tells me that I have found a safe refuge. I stumble through the grass and walked through a total of three contractions before I made it to the watery image which I stumbled right through. I found myself atop a hill looking down at a small house with an ominous forest a four minute walk from the shabby looking hut. I want to make for the hut but a sudden pressure is growing below and another contraction laces through my body. I crouch on the hill and struggle to breathe through the pressure and pain.

When it ends I feel an even bigger pressure. I crawled to a small indent in the hill and past the point of considering others or the fact that they might see, I strip off my trousers and sit them below me. I got into a kneeling position and with my right hand slid under my body and through my feminine folds in search of the pressure that was becoming more and more uncomfortable. I'm surprised to discover a hard and sticky surface with the barest hint of hair and I know that it is the head crowning. My child has decided that patience is not a virtue that he or she will have and I almost laugh through the pain of another contraction.

My child already takes after me. I am not very patient. I don't know about the me before, but the me now is definitely not patient.

I bear down and push with all the strength in my body and something bubbles through my body. I've felt this feeling before. It's a feeling similar to swinging high when on a swing, when you get those tickly butterflies in your stomach only it's your entire body. It's almost a pulsating feeling, as though it's growing and from my experience it probably is. I felt this same feeling the last time I caused one of those odd occurrences only this time it feels different. It feels stronger, more powerful.

I felt that feeling reach out, in search of something...something specific. I felt it reach further and expand as if it were searching for more than one thing. What was it searching for?

I had little time to ponder what because it found it, or should I say them. I pushed and felt that small head slip further from my body. I continued pushing and my power pulsated and I had the image of many people suddenly turning to stare with shocked expressions in my direction, almost as if I had appeared in front of them. There in my mind I saw a group of carrot topped people in different sizes and shapes, male and female. There was also a man with long flowing platinum blonde hair and stormy eyes who looked well to do as well as another man who looked dangerous and foreboding with ebony locks and eyes. There were others, too many to see all at once and note every detail and with all those suddenly in my mind only the dark foreboding raven like man and the handsome light colored dragon like man had stood out and called to something in my blood.

Suddenly the images were gone but I knew they could see what I was going through, as if watching me through some crystal ball. I knew they watched as I bore down with all my strength and gasped as I felt the head of my child in my own hand. I steadied myself against the sloping hill and readied my other hand to help catch my child as I pushed and felt a small pair of shoulders slip from my body along with the rest of my child.

I wanted nothing more than to fall back and close my eyes, welcome the rest I so needed but my child had yet to make a sound and I knew why. I looked down and lifted my child and reached into his mouth cleaning out the mucus and muck there and squeezed his nose gently to help clear out the unused passages. I then soundly smacked my newborn son's bottom and a loud wail filled the hills around me. I looked down at the cord that connected my son to my life-giving body and wondered how I would cut it when another pain hit me. I felt another contraction lace through my middle and that familiar pressure returned and with it another urge to push. It felt too heavy to just be the afterbirth.

Twins! I had been carrying twins! I set my son back down on the sodden and dirty trousers as I struggled to undo my cloak/knapsack. I threw the things on the ground and then lay it beside me and set my son it, wrapping as best I could as another contraction started where the last left off. I felt the head of my second child start to slide through and I fought the urge to scream out in pain and frustration, which was futile because soon my scream echoed through the hills just as my sons had. I gasped and felt the head completely slip out and took a shuddering breath just as the sound of popping surrounded me. I opened my closed eyes and saw the faces that had been in my mind only minutes ago. I struggled to breath as I pushed my body shaking horribly from the physical stress as much as the mental and emotional. I felt the shoulders slide free at the same time as the foreboding man knelt beside me and chanted in what I presumed was Latin. I felt a small amount power wander through my body and then vanish. I felt the body slide out and then I felt very light headed.

The world swam in brilliant colors and then it turned dark and all around was surprised and astonished cries and shouts.

"Harry!"

Harry...was that my name? I wondered how I knew these people. I didn't care who they were, as long as they cared for my children.

"Please...take care of them..."

I felt a pair of warm lips on my forehead and then I was dropped into nothingness.

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2: With a vow that this is the l

**Title: Sakura Drops  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Lucius/Harry/Severus  
Category: Drama, romance, slash  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Rape, Non-con, Mpreg SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Harry Potter or its chars. They are property of JK Rowling and major companies. **

**Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!**

**The chapter titles are translated lyrics from the song "Sakura Drops" by Hikaru Utada. **

** Sakura Drops**

**Chapter 2: With a vow that this is the last heartbreak**

"What in the hell is going on?"

Lucius Malfoy paced the small Headmasters room trying to contain his anger and shock. Others merely watched as he paced the room, resembling a large caged cat.

"If we knew the answer we would gladly tell you, but like you we all thought that Harry Potter had died defeating Voldemort", said the calm and somewhat angry voice of Professor McGonagall in the Headmasters chair, behind the large oak desk.

"I don't understand...we were all there. We saw the blinding green light and heard those horrible words screamed and then the light of their wands meeting and in those few precious moments we watched, unable to do anything when that explosion caught both of them," said a near sobbing Molly Weasley.

"Truth be told...we never did find proof of Harry's death. We found his wand and a few pieces of his clothes and some blood. We all just assumed he had died that day in a horrible explosion," stated Hermione from beside Ron.

"But we searched for him! We searched for over two months and had our sources and hired help continue searching. How could we not believe him dead when we turned up no evidence that said otherwise," asked a calm Severus Snape.

"Well the young man in that room is anything but dead and those two newborn boys that he delivered this afternoon are proof that he is our Harry. Both children are exuding powerful magic already and Poppy says that the maternity test has confirmed that even though their nearly identical twins both have different fathers," said Remus from his spot beside a very healthy looking Sirius Black.

"It was odd...he didn't seem to recognize any of us when we arrived. He didn't call out to any of us and the look in his eyes was confused and lost," said Ron as he wrapped his arms around his wife Hermione.

"I noticed that too. Had he been in his right mind he would have immediately recognized Sirius and knowing him would have started having hysterics if not wanting to know if he were dreaming," said Arthur Weasley.

"Perhaps he is not in his right mind," said Fred and George at the same time.

"Well he was a little busy at the time! He was in the middle of delivering a second child, by himself I might add," said a very obstinate and angry Hermione.

"I suppose we'll just have to wait until he wakes up and approach him then. A few at a time mind you. We don't want to throw the boy into a fit of hysterics. He's already got enough health problems without adding more as well as mental, "said Professor McGonagall in a tone that left no room for argument.

"What is his condition," asked Sirius.

Professor McGonagall closed her eyes and sighed deeply, "The poor dear is exhausted. He's bone thin and from what Poppy says, it's worse than when we left him with those god forsaken muggles and that's saying something. He's got a bit of a cold and swollen and sore feet that are covered with broken blisters. He's bruised and upon examining him further Poppy said that there are scars along his back, left leg and his right hand has a pretty bad scar that looks as if he had stuck his entire hand into a fire. He has a nasty scar on the left side of his forehead and she believes that he took a nasty hit or fall."

"The poor thing is lucky to be alive," said Mrs. Weasley as she turned teary eyes towards Severus and Lucius.

The two gave worried looks and stood up, leaving the room together.

"I can't imagine anything harder than finding what you've lost and having to deal with that loss again," said Bill from where he stood starring at the fire in the fireplace.

"I pray that it's just temporary amnesia caused by a small knock to the head and that those three can be together again," Said McGonagall who looked older than she actually was with all the stress she had suffered since taking on the role of Headmistress after Dumbledore passing and now with the school reopened it and months of wondering whether Harry Potter were among the living or dead. She had just finally managed to grieve for his loss and move on with her life as well as many others in the room and yet, here he was, alive and with two sons.

"I just hope those two don't walk away with their hopes dashed again. They had each other and that was something...but it was like the light was gone from their eyes and the smiles that we had all gotten used to seeing had vanished," said Hermione looking at the closed door.

Lucius walked down the hall slowly, as if lost in thought and beside him walked Severus.

"I always held out hope that he was alive," said Lucius softly.

"I knew he was. That boy is Gryffindor through and through, which means the brat is constantly in trouble always at deaths doorstep. He's too troublesome and obstinate to die," said Severus proudly.

"To see him alive and in front of us made my heart soar and then to see that confused and questioning look in those emerald depths caused it to fall into that all too familiar pit of despair."

Severus turned and placed his hands on Lucius' upper arms and looked the man in those sorrowful eyes, "He may have forgotten us and everything to do with us but we will try to worm our way back into his heart and if that fails..."

"If that fails then I don't think my heart can withstand it. I've hidden my heart for years behind its impenetrable wall of indifference and cruelty and to be able to be myself if only for those two years and then to have it all cruelly taken away...I can't do it again Sev! This will be my last heartbreak."

Severus pulled Lucius into a tight embrace and felt the man stiffen slightly, "I understand you and how you feel but you must not let that old you return. Remember what Harry gave us, what he taught us. If you lose all that then you've let the Harry we know and love die."

Lucius wrapped his arms around Severus' waist and buried his face in Sev's shoulder, "I know...I know this and yet..."

"Even if Harry doesn't remember us or what was exchanged between us I wouldn't flee from him nor hide in the shadows. Even if he found a new love I would still smile and watch him with a happy reassurance that he is alive. That was all I asked for in my prayers after the battle against Voldemort. I pity myself for a lack of extending on what I wanted but he's alive and that's all I wanted and want now."

Lucius nodded against Severus' shoulder and promptly lifted his head and abruptly stepped out of Severus' arms and away from his warm and welcoming embrace. He flipped his hair and his hands looked to be straightening his clothes and wiping his face of any stray materials such as fuzz but Sev suspected the real reason he wiped at his face was to hide the reason that his shoulder now felt warm and damp.

To Be Continued...

Thanks for reading and I hope you like it thus far. I know I broke every rule in writing by starting out in first person and then to third person. Yeah...Reason 1 I have no hope of publishing any of my original stories. Bleh!

I like writing to Jpop and Jrock because even if you can't translate what's said, it's as if you can feel what they're saying and relate to it. Sometimes you can understand a song without understanding the lyrics.

Kat 


	3. Chapter 3: Even the cherry tree, swaying

**Title: Sakura Drops  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Lucius/Harry/Severus  
Category: Drama, romance, slash  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Rape, Non-con, Mpreg SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Harry Potter or its chars. They are property of JK Rowling and major companies. **

**Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!**

**The chapter titles are translated lyrics from the song "Sakura Drops" by Hikaru Utada. **

** Sakura Drops**

**Chapter 3: Even the cherry tree, swaying in the wind will eventually blossom**

Here I am, awake and in a strange place that I assume is a medical facility of some kind because of the look of it and yet it doesn't smell like one would assume a hospital or medical would smell like. It doesn't smell of bleach and disinfectant, instead it smells like citrus and cinnamon.

The smell is inviting and I can't help but feel at home here. And part of me is betting that this bed is especially homey for me. There is a plaque hanging above my head that reads "Harry Potter 2000-2006". I heard someone cry out the name Harry before I passed out which leads me to believe that it possibly might be my name. I wonder if I and this "Harry Potter" are one in the same and if so, why is there a plaque above a medical bed in a medical ward? Did I or this "Harry" person spend that much time here?

What kind of person am I? Or should I say was? How did I know all those people and more importantly, how did they all just pop out of no where like that? And why did I walk into an unknown place in my condition?

What in the world was I thinking?

Okay, if I could answer that I wouldn't be here wondering who all those people were, why they all seemed to know me and trying to figure out who fathered the children I carried for nine months. For some reason I was betting it was one if not both of the men I had seen so clearly in my mind. The raven and the dragon. Both were etched into my mind and for some reason when I closed my eyes I would see them. Not the "them" I saw hours ago, but them from a while ago smiling and laughing and with a gleam in there eyes that hadn't been there when I saw them on that hill. I wonder if they'll have that gleam in their eyes or those smiles again. If they never retrieve either it would be a sad thing. Speaking of sad...

The cry of one new born echoed through the room and not soon after another joined it. I had lay here long enough and pretended to sleep and since my children have decided to be vocal with their needs and wants then it is my duty to see that any want or need they have is fulfilled. I am sore in places I didn't know I had and yet I refuse to let any get to my children before I do. I carefully slide my legs over the edge of the bed and tug at the black boxers and green T-shirt someone had the grace to dress me in, trying to keep the boxers from riding any higher. I slowly set my feet on the cold floor and stand up a little unsteadily.

After a few steps I am sturdier and more confident as I walk past the curtains and towards the wails. I follow the sound past a few rows of beds and stop outside of the one closest to what must be the nurse's office. I see two small wooden rocking cradles and as I get closer I see both cradles contain a small, red newborn. Each is wrapped in a baby blue swaddling blanket and I am amazed at how similar they look. Both have tuffs of downy black hair and cherubic cheeks. Their eyes are semi-opened as if their trying to adjust to the light and I can see that they don't share the same eye colors. Their similar enough in eye color, both having pale blue eyes and yet one has a hint of gray in his right eye and green in his left while the other a hint of green in his right eye and a deep dark brown left eye. Husky eyes. They reminded me of the bi-color eyes often seen in huskies. I bend over and softly speak to them, asking them what they think of this world that they fought so hard to enter and asking if they know who their father is. Both quiet down and I lean over them smiling brightly.

I saw a bottle thrust in front of my nose and I startled, and quickly turned to see that the hand holding the bottle belonged to a stern and gentle woman wearing white robes and a hat resembling one from days of old, reminding somewhat of the Nanny from Romeo and Juliet. I had had the pleasure of seeing the movie in a bustling city during one of my shoplifting trips when I still looked clean and healthy.

"Take the bottle dear. They're hungry. How about I feed one and you feed the other," she asked with a motherly tone that left no room for argument.

I nodded and took the bottle from her proffered hand, "Thank you Ma'am."

She looked taken back but she shook her head and tutted, "I am Madam Pomphrey but you may call me Poppy."

"Poppy? Isn't that a bit too personal? I mean...it seems as though everyone here knows me...and if I call you by your name then I must know you pretty well."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "How much do you remember or have you figured out?"

"Well I am taking a long shot here...but I'm betting my names Harry and if my guess is correct then I am assuming that since I woke up in a bed with a plaque above it bearing the name Harry Potter then I suppose I am none other than this 'Harry Potter'."

"You are correct. You are none other than "The Harry Potter" and you were and still seem to be the patient that has spent most of his days in my ward more than any other."

"So I am Harry Potter and I know the nurse on a first name basis...and I assume that I am not at a hospital since it doesn't smell like one. So can you tell me where I am?"

She smiled and gently lifted my green and brown eyed son to me as carefully as she could. When I had him in the correct position, supporting his head I placed the bottle in his open mouth. I watched and waited for her to answer. She busied herself pulling over a rocking chair and once it was behind me she patted it loudly saying "sit". I sat and watched as she took a wooden wand from her apron pocket and waved it saying something familiar in Latin. It sounded like "Accio". Another rocking chair appeared and she leaned over lifting my other son into her arms and sat down once again saying "accio" followed by bottle and another bottle flew into her waiting hand. She lifted the bottle and my other son saw it and immediately became fussy in anticipation of being fed. She placed the nipple in his mouth and I watched amusedly as he suckled hungrily.

"You are in a school Harry", she said suddenly and before I could answer she continued on, "Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You were once a student here."

"So I could do things like you just did?"

She turned to me with an astonished look upon her face, "Not could Harry, can. You are one of the most powerful wizards in the wizarding world, if not the most powerful."

I rocked slowly and watched my son drink his formula, "I wondered about the things I could do. So I'm not some freak of nature or an escapee from some testing facility?"

"MERLIN NO! There are many wizards and witches out there and there are wizarding schools all over the world."

"I wonder if it'll all come back to me. I think little things are beginning to return."

"What types of things," she asked looking at me intently.

"There are these two men...and for some reason they seem familiar and yet I can't think of how I might know them. They seem almost out of reach for someone like me. One looks moody and morbid and he has shoulder length black hair and deep ebony eyes that look like their full of sorrow."

"Sounds like Severus Snape," she replied as she lifted my son gently and placed him against her shoulder and patted him on the back softly causing a tiny burp. I smiled and chuckled.

"And the other?"

"He reminds me of an aristocrat from days of old. He carries himself like a king and has long platinum blonde hair that flows past his shoulders. His eyes are a deep turbulent stormy gray bordering on silver."

"And that would Lucius Malfoy," she replied as she lay my son against her chest and smiled down at him.

"Why do I remember them? What were they to me?"

"They were your bonded. Your husbands if you will," she said seeing my confusion at the word bonded.

"No wonder they seemed hurt when I didn't recognize them...How did I meet them? What was our bonding like? Were we happy? And how in the hell did I get pregnant?"

"Whoah! One question at a time! I think most of these questions are best answered by those who know the answers best and that would be Lucius and Severus. And as for the last two questions...I have never seen you at your happiest until I saw you with them. The same can be said for both of them. Severus was never a social person, especially after all that happened to him and many tried and not surprisingly you were the one who brought him around. Same for Lucius. And as to the last question...wizards can conceive if it runs in their family which means that it has to be strong in your genetics. I believe your father was pure blood and thus it most likely runs strong in your blood and even more so since you wield so much power."

"I wish I had been warned of that. I could have expected twins."

She smiled widely and shook her head, "Only you my dear, only you. I believe that Severus and Lucius call it the Harry Potter theory."

"Harry Potter Theory?"

"Whatever can happen will happen if you are, know, seen or anywhere in the near vicinity of Harry Potter," said a very deep sultry masculine voice from behind us.

I turned around and saw both men that we had been speaking of.

"Severus. Lucius. Pull up a chair and join us. My arms were just beginning to tire. Would it be alright for one of them to hold your son, Harry?"

I looked up at Poppy and then over at the almost eager looks on their faces and I couldn't help but smile and nod, "I see no reason why they can't. If they are my bonded then there is a chance that one or both might be the father of one or both of my sons."

They nodded and gave me a small smile which I returned but a bit larger. I was never one to hide my emotions. I was all feelings and my feelings always showed openly in my facial and body expressions. I carefully lifted my son and did just as I had seen Poppy do and was more than a bit overjoyed at hearing his small burp. I looked up and watched as Poppy handed my other son to the man with blonde hair. He smiled and took her vacated seat. I watched the one known as Severus pace nervously watching anxiously. I felt bad and decided that I could trust him and was willing to allow him to hold my other son.

"If you would pull up a chair you can hold this one."

He immediately walked over picked up a straight backed chair and set it down beside me. He sat down and I held my son out to him and grinned at his eager expression. His arm brushed mine momentarily causing a familiar rush coarse through my body. He held him close talking softly at him.

"Have you thought of any names," asked Lucius.

"I was thinking of something old and yet appropriate, any suggestions?"

Severus looked down at the child in his arms and said softly, "Nathaniel. He is a gift of god."

I blushed and could not for the life of me figure out why.

"Nathaniel it is and what about his brother?"

"Shall we do the rhyming scheme," asked Lucius.

"It would make things simpler. As long as their not too similar. Like Brandon and Brendan."

"How about Daniel? A gift from god and one who is judged worthy by god," said Lucius smiling up at me.

I couldn't help but smile back, "Sounds good to me. We'll worry about the middle names and such later."

I sat and watched them interact and wondered if anything could seem more right. It seemed like this was how it was supposed to be, like it was etched in stone somewhere. What struck me as odd is that I had no trouble accepting that I was in a gay relationship or that I was pregnant and could get pregnant again. Why did it bother me that it didn't bother me? I watched them and suddenly I felt a small ache grow at the center of my forehead that began to grow rapidly. I raised my hands and lowered my head into them closing my eyes and just as the pain seemed to crest at its most painful a group of images flashed through my head.

I saw Lucius standing in a store with a serpent cane and glaring down at me with a look of distaste and other scenes just like that flew through my mind and then I saw Lucius standing around a kitchen table in a shabby looking place with the others I had seen, including the many red heads and I realized that this kitchen looked familiar to me and it felt familiar. It was a place I knew VERY well. A name popped into my mind.

"Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place..."

I heard someone calling my name in the distance and I watched as Lucius and those people around the table began talking about something called "The Order" and mentions of something similar called "The Order of the Phoenix" and when discussing Lucius' role I heard "spy" and "Voldemorts trusted" and then I felt the darkness claim me again.

To Be Continued...

Long Chapter...So far I think I like this story, which is weird considering I'm writing it. LoL A lot of you have questions and believe me, they will all be answered shortly. You've seen a bit into how Harry and Lucius met again under better circumstances in this chapter and more will be revealed next chapter.

ellelovemax85, I took your idea on the babies' eyes and went with it. Thanks for such a cool idea. I work at an elementary school and one of the students I work with has eyes just like that. Their really beautiful. She has a right eye that's a pale silvery blue and a pretty brown one.

Well that's all for today. Til' next time!

Kat


	4. Chapter 4: The summer rain that started

**Title: Sakura Drops  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Lucius/Harry/Severus  
Category: Drama, romance, slash  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Rape, Non-con, Mpreg SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Harry Potter or its chars. They are property of JK Rowling and major companies. **

**Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!**

**The chapter titles are translated lyrics from the song "Sakura Drops" by Hikaru Utada. **

** Sakura Drops**

**Chapter 4: The summer rain that started to fall gently streaked past my tears **

I heard the many whispers of what I was betting would be a small group of people and I was surprised by how many of the voices sounded familiar. I kept my eyes closed and silently listened to each person speak, imagining faces in my minds eye. I saw lots of red heads, a few with freckles and one brunette girl and when my curiosity had gotten the best of me I opened my eyes and saw just that. Huddled around my bed stood the brightest group of red heads that I had ever seen; a brushfire of hair.

They all seemed familiar and yet I had no idea who they were. I felt bad because of this fact but they didn't seem to care. They all gathered around and smiled brightly. A large and motherly looking woman approached with the kindest expression, her arms looking empty and looking like she wanted to pull me into a large hug but afraid of my reaction. I smiled as brightly as I could and moved to sit up in the all too familiar hospital bed, from which my name plaque hung and held open my arms. I saw her smile brighten and it filled those big expressive eyes of hers making me feel as if I had done the right thing and she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me close in those motherly arms and against that comforting bosom that she had so much of. I was squeezed against her and I felt a sense of rightness and happiness deep down inside and I knew that this was just like I had done it a million times.

She let go and looked down at me with watery eyes and we both laughed as we wiped at our watery eyes causing those around us to chuckle.

"It's been a while Harry, dear. We were so worried about you. I knew you were still alive. I may not be your real mother but you are as much my son as Ron and I am never wrong when it comes to the health of my children," She said with a bit of pride and a bright smile.

"Molly...you might want to introduce yourself to him. If what Poppy tells us is true then he probably has no recollection of who we are," said a small and kind older man with the same red hair as the others.

"Oh, Merlin forgive me! Yes, I suppose we all should reintroduce ourselves. Oh, that will be a lot to take in, in one day," she said with a large smile that caused her cheeks to dimple and a small laugh at herself and her family.

I smiled and felt that familiar feeling again. It felt as if I had known this family most of my life.

"Well...I suppose I'll start. I'm Molly Weasley and this is my husband..."

"Arthur Weasley. Glad to see you again and alive and well Harry," said a very kind and gentle looking balding ginger haired man.

"It was then that two of the older looking young men stepped forward and grinned. One had long hair in a pony tail and the others hair was a bit shorter but with a rat tail hanging down his shoulders.

"I'm Charlie," said the one with the rat tail extending a hand. I took his offered hand and shook it, noticing many calluses, burns and scars covered his palm and fingers with a few noticeable ones leading up his arms.

"You must do some hard labor," I said with a curious smile.

Charlie grinned down at me, "I study dragons in Romania."

A small memory of a large and very angry dragon guarding a gold egg entered my mind. It suddenly all flooded into my mind like some action movie. I saw myself but younger facing this large and frightening fire breathing beast that was called A Norwegian Ridge Back. I saw myself flying on a broom and nearly falling to my death multiple times and then I saw the triumph and felt the relief when I had accomplished my task of retrieving the golden egg that I knew to be a clue to something bigger and more dangerous.

"Harry? Harry, Dear? Are you alright?"

I blinked a few times and looked around me at the worried faces and put on a small smile for their benefit.

"I'm fine. Seems I remembered something about Dragons. A Norwegian Ridgeback if I recall and it was guarding a golden egg."

Charlie grinned and patted me on the shoulder, "Yeah, I was here helping to care for that one as well as the others."

I looked up at the other young man and asked, "You don't work with dragons too do you?"

"I'm Bill and no, I don't work with Dragons but I do turn furry once a month."

Things were slowly falling into place, "There's someone else here that has that same ailment isn't there? Someone who needed Severus' help with a Wolfs bane potion?"

"Ah, you're remembering Remus Lupin. He was a professor here for a year and one of your Dad's mates back in the day," said Bill.

"Was he also in "The Order"?"

Everyone looked surprised and I felt as though I had to clarify, "I remember bits and pieces and I have a few memories of us all talking at a place called Grimmauld Place and we were discussing 'The Order' and I remember that Lucius was called a spy."

"The Order is what we formed to go against Lord Voldemort. It was actually known as the Order of the Phoenix. And yes, Lucius and Severus were both spies who pretended to be loyal to the dark lord. Severus has been loyal to us for years but Lucius joined us the summer before the year you would have been a seventh year," said Arthur.

"Severus had always been very fond of Dumbledore but that doesn't explain why Lucius joined. You never did explain that to us," said a young ginger haired girl with an indignant annoyed pout.

"I suppose your old enough now Ginny to know the truth of it now the war is over with...," said Arthur.

"Lucius hated anything and anyone not pure as you all know and then he realized how wrong he was for following that psychopath when Draco was killed for not killing Dumbledore himself and Narcissa was killed in the first attempt to kill Draco," said Bill grimly.

"I remember all of us being at Grimmauld Place and suddenly there was a loud banging on the door causing Ms. Black's portrait to start screaming her usual rant about Mud bloods and traitors. It was Remus who answered the door and when it was opened there stood none other than Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy, both carrying the bodies of Narcissa and Draco," said the youngest ginger haired boy.

"And how did you see all of this Ronald!"

The young man gave a disgusted look at the name and grimaced, "Ron mom! I'm eight teen going on nine teen and I still get the awful first name treatment," mumbled the indignant young man who now had a name.

"Don't act like you're the only one Ron. I get William and Charlie still gets Charles," said Bill grinning.

"Back to the question Ron," scolded Ms. Weasley.

"I was cleaning the stairs like you had asked and when the banging on the door started Remus asked me to shut Mrs. Black up and just as I was coming down the stairs I saw the whole thing," stated Ron, who looked very glad to have an alibi.

"What Ron didn't see and you did was Lucius crying over Narcissa and Draco's bodies swearing revenge. It surprised us all to see the emotion in his eyes and the only reason you were allowed to see was because we made it your decision on whether to trust him or not. You surprised us all that day by allowing Lucius into the Order and not soon after we all noticed you and Lucius had developed quite the bond. Before we knew it you, Lucius and Sev were inseparable. You were bonded two months before the final battle. None of us are too sure what happened to you during the battle," said a frizzy haired young woman who seemed to be close to Ron and her very voice and manner made him smile.

"Hermione and I were facing off with a few of the death eaters when we saw this large green light surround most of the battle field that caused everyone to stop fighting," said Ron pulling Hermione closer.

"We turned to look and saw you and Voldemort locked in a heated battle the lingering forbidden spell hovering between your united wands. You both were struggling and then suddenly your powers backed away like a receding wave and then like a tsunami they crashed into each other causing an explosion. I remember screaming your name as Ron threw me to the ground and we both watched as you flew backwards engulfed by a large green light, the very same light that engulfed Voldemort incinerating him as well as blowing him to pieces along with any horcruxes he and others had with them that night," said Hermione.

"We searched for hours and hours became days and days weeks and week's months. We found pieces of your clothes, broken glasses with blood speckled across the lenses and your wand. Everyone refused to dig a grave or put up a memorial without more proof," said a teary eyed Mrs. Weasley.

"I'm glad I could return and I'm sorry you all have worried so much. I seem to be quite the trouble maker."

They all laughed and I wondered if the blast described to me was the cause of the many scars along my body and the loss of memory.

"We're trying to figure out something to help you get your memories back. Severus has returned to his potion making with vigor and Lucius is researching with all his might for a cure or solution. We suggested putting our memories into pensieves and having you experience them but Poppy says that could do more harm than good," said Ginny.

"We'll figure out something," said two boys at once.

I looked up at them and a memory of them testing treats on unsuspecting students surfaced as well as the memory of a very interesting store with the two of them running it.

"Fred and George. How's the store going?"

"That's Poppycock! How is it he remembers you two but not his best mates?"

"We're just more memorable than you," said one mockingly.

"Two faces that are identical are just easier to remember," said the other.

"That and you two are such trouble makers that its hard to forget you and people try not to for fear that if they don't avoid you like the plague that they'll end up your next victim," said Hermione scathingly.

"Awww...we love you too Hermione," both chorused.

"Well we've visited long enough. It's time for Nathaniel and Daniel's feeding. We'll be back later Harry," and with that Mrs. Molly Weasley began pushing everyone out of the room.

I sighed and lay back against my pillow. I hoped there was an easier way to remember everything other than the endless stories and the sudden bursts that either left him looking bonkers or girly because he passed out. Then he remembered another time when he had passed out on the floor of a train. Okay, he had fainting issues. Does that excuse give him a get out of embarrassment free card?

To Be Continued!

:wipes away sweat: Wow! A chapter per day. :gives self a treat:

Well I'm off to write on another fic.

Til Then! Kat 


	5. Chapter 5: Images that resemble memories

**Title: Sakura Drops  
Author: DeityOfDeath  
Archive: Yes please...  
Pairings: Lucius/Harry/Severus  
Category: Drama, romance, slash  
rating: NC-17/R  
Spoilers: Most likely.  
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Rape, Non-con, Mpreg SPOILERS!  
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Harry Potter or its chars. They are property of JK Rowling and major companies. **

**Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction~! Enjoy and please review~!**

**The chapter titles are translated lyrics from the song "Sakura Drops" by Hikaru Utada. **

** Sakura Drops**

**Chapter 5: Images that resemble memories**

I had begun a quiet routine as of late. I found this strange place and its people quite intriguing. This castle known as Hogwarts seemed to hold a great importance to the "me" of old and they preferred I stay here, hoping it would jog some memories. It's usually filled with "young students with empty heads ready to be filled" from what Professor McGonagall says but it is summer vacation and all good students are home on break. I have another month before they return to walk these halls and stairs in the hope that something jogs my memory.

If my progress continues at its current speed they plan to take me to a place called Grimmauld Place that was once again important to the old me and then when I'm comfortable Mrs. Weasley would like me to visit her home, apparently another place I frequented. There is another place they would like me to visit but they seem hesitant to mention it let alone take me there. Apparently I grew up at this other place and I truly wonder why I wouldn't want to visit if it is a place I called home.

I get the feeling they keep from telling me things for fear that I might react negatively. I wonder if it's worth remembering a past that one would call unhappy.

I have had a few memories return, some while I'm awake and others while sleeping, but they don't seem real. It's almost as if I'm waking from some wonderful dream and than at the same time some horrible nightmare. Such strange people and creatures appear in these dream-like memories and I wonder sometimes if I'm mad.

I feel grounded when I am with my sons. They keep me busy and keep my mind clear. They remind me that there is more to me then who I "used to be". They like me for the me now and I worry about those around me, the ones who call me friend and family; will they like me still if I can't become the "old me", will they accept the current me. I fear that they won't.

I think that fear keeps me truly getting to know most of them. I feel it's better to distance myself.

"Good day, Harry. Still writing in your journal I see."

I turned to see Poppy standing in the doorway of what was now considered my quarters.

"Yes, thank you for it. It helps sort out my emotions more than anything."

"I had a feeling you could use the outlet. I see the thoughts in those green eyes. Don't fret or over think things much. Take your time and get to know us. If it comes it comes, if it doesn't then at least you can get to know us all over again."

I smiled then; she certainly had a way of putting ones mind at ease.

"Anything you wanted to talk about? I have an hour to spare," she said taking a seat in a plush chair across from the couch I sat on, my sons laying on their backs on the floor eyeing up their "floor mobiles" Hermione had bought them.

"I don't know where to start. I remembered a few of the people I've met but I can't seem to connect to them like I did then. I like them, I enjoy most of their company but the memories and dreams feel surreal and they mention happy or funny things that happened but they seem to shy away from the not so pleasant memories, but their still there. I've dreamed a few but I can't make sense of them," I said frustrated.

"Has anyone sat and talked to you about the "you", you don't remember," she asked softly.

"I think they're afraid to. It's like they want me to remember on my own but I also get the feeling they don't know too much about my earlier years."

"You can blame your old self for that. You never were comfortable talking much about your past unless it was the past you didn't know of."

"Past I didn't know of," I asked feeling even more confused.

"You were born to two very proud and popular graduates of this school. Your mother was a vivacious, intelligent and kind witch named Lily Evans. She came from a muggle family much like our dear Hermione. Your father; James Potter was like you, never much talked about his family but he was loud, outgoing and very much a show off; especially when it came to your mother."

She seemed to smile as she stood up and walked over to a shelf where a bunch of photo's, moving and non sat, She lifted two framed photo's up and walked over sitting next to me one.

"Your father was friends with Remus Lupin; the man with the sandy hair, Sirius Black; the black haired mischievous man and Peter Pettigrew, the pudgy young man in the back."

"I've seen the two you called Remus and Sirius in memories before…"

"Yes, I'm sure you have. Both meant a lot to you back then," she said with a sad smile.

She handed me the other picture of them in a group photo with a red haired woman holding a pudgy baby that somewhat reminded me of my sons.

"Your mother Lily; married your father James and you came along. That's you in her arms."

It was odd seeing those brightly smiling faces and knowing that they were no longer here. She hadn't said they weren't but if they had yet to show up then I could only assume.

"You were a year old when a dark wizard known as Voldemort appeared. A trusted friend; Peter gave the dark side your whereabouts and your house was attacked in Godric's Hollow. Your father was killed and then your mother died protecting you."

That had cemented my thoughts on their whereabouts.

"The Dark Lord then turned his sights on you. He cast the killing curse but your mothers sacrifice and love protected you and you lived, leaving evidence of your battle right here;" she said as she leaned in and moved my bangs from my forehead, tracing the lightening bolt scar on my forehead.

"Kinda wondered how I got that," I said softly.

She nodded and smiled, "You were found and taken to your Mother's Sisters home. Your mother had a sister named Petunia who was just your average everyday muggle. I often got the feeling from your mother that your Aunt was quite jealous of her and thus shunned anything out of the ordinary."

I nodded, I could understand that. You want what you can't have, its human nature.

"I don't know much about your upbringing. You rarely spoke of your life there but from what I've heard from the Weasley's, it wasn't a pleasant childhood."

I let those words sink in and wondered if perhaps those were the nightmares that woke me but thought better of it when I thought of the faces of those in my nightmares. Poppy had said my Aunt was ordinary and the faces in my dreams were anything but.

"At eleven you got your Hogwarts letter and from what I remember Hagrid and Professor Dumbledore saying, was quite a chore just getting it to you. Your Aunt and Uncle weren't too found of you being magical."

The twins began fussing and I stood up and picked up Daniel, the fussier of the two and held him close. He stopped fussing, happy to have the attention; his brother however continued to cry until Poppy stood up and took him into her arms.

"I was told your cousin is quite a little porker, I hope these two don't take after him. They seem to be gaining weight, not that I'm surprised with the way they eat," she said playfully.

"So how is it that I got here," I asked as I took my seat on the couch again.

"Hagrid took you to Diagon Alley and there you bought your school robes and supplies and then you were taken to the train station where you caught the Hogwarts express. That is how students get here year after year, although the way into the castle differs for each year you attend."

I was desperate to know more of my school days and she smiled ruefully down at me, "I would love to tell you more my boy but I must be returning to the infirmary. Severus will be dropping by in a few minutes to drop off some potions and he'll probably stop by here to see the boys. We'll talk more, I promise."

Just as she spoke there was a knock at the door. She walked to the door and opened it, smiling brightly as the Lucius entered.

"Just in time Lucius, come; take your son. I must be on my way. Harry, I'll see you this time tomorrow. Remember what I said; don't think overly much on things and continue writing in your journal."

With that she handed Nathaniel over to Lucius and winked at him as she was leaving. I watched as he held Nathaniel close smiling down at him.

"Good Afternoon Harry, how are you feeling today," he asked fully entering my quarters.

"About the same as usual, and you," I asked trying to hide some of my nervousness.

"Good now, stressed earlier but its amazing how the simplest thing can make your day better," he said taking a seat on the couch a cushion away from me.

I felt myself blush, my cheeks and neck warming at his words. It seemed so natural to feel like this and yet it didn't. It wasn't just him; both he and Severus had this effect on me.

"I'm glad to hear that. Will you and Severus continuing visiting me until the school year begins," I asked fidgeting.

"We plan to, unless you would prefer otherwise," he said watching me through narrowed silver eyes.

"No…no I …enjoy your visits. It's strange but it feels normal. I believe they have given me a choice of places to stay when the school reopens, will you visit the one I have chosen as well," I asked as I looked down at Daniel, tickling his feet.

"But of course. Have you decided where you would like to stay next," he asked watching me with somewhat of a smile on his face.

"I believe I have…I have been having talks with everyone and even though memories come to me in dreams and flashes it all still seems surreal so I think for the time being I'd prefer to not interrupt anyone else's lives. Plus I still need time to figure out myself."

"So like you…or should I say memories or not you are the same person," he said with a small sad smile that looked out of place on that proud visage.

"Poppy has said as much during our talks. I believe with each talk and each memory I will either find myself closer to being who I was or farther from it all."

He looked down at Daniel in my arms and then up into my eyes, "Whatever you choose we'll be there for you as long as you'll have us. We have already discussed it. It is better to have you close than not have you at all. We have lost you once; neither of us can bear to lose you again."

With that I felt my eyes grow warm, whether because of the sentiment of what was said or the sorrow behind it. Those two had already suffered much because of my disappearance and I couldn't let them suffer through it again, intentionally or unintentionally.

To Be Continued…..

More to come soon. Still working this story out.

Kat


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